Eden
by Peter Simons
Summary: On an away mission to gather information from an unknown M-class planet, Trip and T'Pol discover a 1960's hippie society. Chaos ensues.


**Eden**

**Summary:** On an away mission to gather information from an unknown M-class planet, Trip and T'Pol discover a 1960's free-love society. The two conduct an anthropological / sociological / psychological analysis of the planet and in the process discuss the Human and Vulcan psyche and their ideas about sex, love, commitment, and fidelity.

**Author's Note:** This story is first and foremost supposed to be _fun_. The plot outline above was given as part of the _Season 3.5 — Summer Fan Fiction Challenge_ at … uh, some other web site. So I accepted the challenge and this is the somewhat crazy result. I hope you enjoy it.

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»I don't know, Phlox. Are you certain this is a good idea?«

»Captain, it is not just a good idea, it is a medical necessity. You know T'Pol. She would never say anything, and I am not allowed to speak for her, but please trust my advice: She needs rest.«

And that was the understatement of the year. T'Pol was, for all practical purposes, a recovering drug addict. And despite his urging, she had chosen not to tell _anyone_. She didn't give herself a break and recovered — no, she worked even more than before and pretended nothing was bothering her. It drove him mad sometimes. He saw her hands shake when they were alone in Sickbay, but she stubbornly refused to talk about it.

»What if something goes wrong on the planet, Phlox? We have no idea how primitive the inhabitants really are.«

»Send Commander Tucker with her, Captain, if that makes you feel more comfortable.«

»How is sending _another_ senior officer on vacation going to make me feel more comfortable?«

»Captain, T'Pol is incredibly stubborn. She would never admit that she needs to rest. But she does. And this is a very good opportunity. If we pass up on it, she might continue to ignore her exhaustion until it becomes dangerous. That's not in the best interest of the ship either.«

Archer sighed.

»How long do you say we should strand her there?«

»A week?«

»A _week_?«

»Captain—«

»Alright, alright. If this is your advice as the Chief Medical Officer of the ship …«

»It is.«

»Then I'll do it. Could be fun actually.«

»Thank you, Captain.«

--------

»You wanted to see me, Captain?«

»Ah, Subcommander. Thank you for coming. Yes, I need to brief you for your mission.«

»Mission, Captain?«

»That planet we picked up on sensors … I understand it is inhabited?«

»Yes, Captain. A very primitive tribal society lives near the shores of the largest ocean.«

»I want to know more about this society, Subcommander. I am sure we could learn something from them.«

»I doubt that.«

»We won't know until we have researched their customs in more detail, isn't that so?«

»Captain, if you plan to dedicate more sensor time to scann—«

»No, Subcommander. I plan to send you down to that planet to explore their society.«

»Me?«

»Of course. You are the Science Officer.«

»Captain, are you certain that a primitive species living on a remote planet warrants this amount of attention?«

»Absolutely.«

»Very well, Captain. I could take more detailed scans on the surface and observe the population for an … appropriate amount of time. Then we could analyze the data here on ENTERPRISE. I should be back within 12 hours.«

»Great. Take Commander Tucker with you. He can help you.«

--------

»We do _what_?«

»We will observe and study the native inhabitants.«

»Down on that planet? Right on the beach?«

»This is where they live, Commander.«

»He, he, that's one great mission!«

»It is a very brief mission, Commander.«

--------

»Wow! Look at this place, T'Pol. This is beautiful!«

»Have you prepared the provisions for our mission, Commander?«

»Man, I don't believe it. This is better than Hawaii! What are you doing in there, T'Pol? Come out here and look at the ocean.«

»This is by far too much. We could live a week off all these rations.«

»Wait — are these real coconuts over there? I'll be back in a minute, T'Pol!«

»Why did you bring a tent? … Commander? … Commander Tucker, what are you doing?«

»_What?_«

»_What are you doing?_«

»_I am getting us our dinner!_«

»_By climbing up a palm tree?_«

»_You will see — AAAARGH!_«

--------

»Sometimes I really wonder what is going on in your mind, Commander. Why of all things did you climb up that tree?«

»Ouch!«

»Is this too tight?«

»Yes.«

»Well, it has to be tight.«

»OUCH!«

»You are obsessed with food! It is really unbelievable.«

»I am sorry, T'Pol. I thought you would like fresh fruits, but if you prefer the crapy Starfleet ration packs for dinner, then _fine_, I won't bother next time.«

»If you dislike them so much, why did you bring dozens of them for a stay of 8 hours?«

»Huh?«

»The provisions. You've brought way too much.«

»What do I know? You packed the gear.«

»Huh?«

»It was all in the shuttle when I arrived, T'Pol.«

--------

»_Ah, Subcommander. I am glad you called in._«

»Captain, I was wond—«

»_I have news. We received a distress call. ENTERPRISE has to leave, so that we can help some people who are … uh, in distress._«

»Is it a serious situation, Captain? Perhaps we should retur—«

»_No, no, don't concern yourself. We'll handle it. We should be back to pick you up in no longer than six Andorian Standard Hours._«

»That is a week, Captain.«

»_You knew that?_«

»Of course.«

»_Anyway, proceed with extreme caution. Or make first contact. Do whatever you think is right._«

»Captain, if this is a practi—«

»We love the assignment, Captain!«

--------

»T'Pol, this is _insane_. We are not going to observe them 24 hours per day for a week. Forget it.«

»We are on a mission of exploration, not on a vacation, Commander.«

»What's so wrong about a little vacation, T'Pol?«

»The Captain relies on us to perfor—«

»Are you kidding? The Captain _set_ us _up_ here! Why do you think he did that?«

»It is moot to speculate about anyone's motives, Commander. ENTERPRISE has received a distress call—«

»You believe that?«

»I have my orders, Commander. And you have yours.«

»T'Pol … what is wrong?«

--------

What was wrong? EVERYTHING was wrong. T'Pol needed all her strength to fight down the horrendous panic she felt ever since she had realized what their situation was. She wanted to yell out at the world in frustration! For WEEKS had she fought to find her balance, she had suffered so much to regain any resemblance of control in her life. She had wasted all her strength, all her focus, all her _life_ on suppressing these frightening emotions for so long now, and she was utterly spent.

And when her communicator had snapped shut, everything had collapsed.

She had tried so hard to avoid these memories. The withdrawal, the addiction, the permanent changes in her brain that had made her a slave of her emotions forever. She had wanted to ignore it. But in this moment, every mistake she had ever made, every wrong decision of the last 9 months came back to haunt her. All her horrible failures stood right before her in this moment — Trip embodied all of it.

Already she was feeling them again. An ever so slight tingling in her chest caught her attention, and it refused to let go. It grew only worse. Something was wrong with her skin!

--------

»T'Pol? Are you all right?«

She jerked away from him.

»I am fine!«

»You don't look fine at all. Are you ill, T'Pol?«

»I am _fine_, Commander. We should begin our observations.«

--------

Trip had had ENOUGH of this bullshit. For _weeks_ she had alternated between being adorable and being the most uptight ice-queen you could imagine. What was the matter with this woman? She stood on a mind-blowing beach with nothing to do for seven days, and managed to turn things into a living hell for no reason at all!

He could _see_ that she was sick, he was worried sick because of it, but that stubborn Vulcan would rather gnaw off her own leg than to trust him as far as a fraction of an inch.

And he had had enough of it.

--------

»You know what, Subcommander? Why don't we split up? Then we could cover more ground in shorter time.«

»What an exceptionally brilliant idea.«

--------

It was a disaster. Why had they split up? Now she was sitting here alone and had nothing to do but to watch a group of incredibly primitive inhabitants roll leaves in little papers and inhale the smoke they made when they burned them. What a waste of time.

Why had that happened again?

Why had everything to be so difficult?

Ah, now there was something going on. She watched the proceedings through her field-glasses. They seemed to run around in panic. Weird. They searched for something. Now they had found it … it looked like a bottle filled with a dark brown liquid. Fascinating.

What was _wrong_ with her?

She needed to tell him. There was no alternative. She would have to tell him everything. Her addiction. Her horrible weakness. And the repercussions. And what frightened her most: She would have to tell him about his part in this whole mess.

And she had no idea how to do it. No idea at all.

--------

Trip could not believe his eyes. These guys were throwing the most amazing party he had seen for long.

--------

T'Pol fought for control once more. Out of nowhere a powerful wave of longing for Trip had swept over her, and it had overwhelmed her instantly. She tried desperately to keep her hands from shaking, but she could not help herself.

504 hours! For more than 504 hours had this not happened to her, she thought with a whine, but now her control lay in tatters, and all she had achieved before was for nothing.

--------

Oh my god, this is the greatest party _ever_!

--------

She realized she could not go on like this. She had known all the time that it wouldn't work. She had been too stubborn to admit it, she knew, but she was hopelessly dependent on Trip. She would not have survived without his help, he had always cared for her greatly. He was probably worried right now.

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»Computer, record preliminary findings report: The inhabitants of planet X38C5 are double jointed.«

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She was an incredibly selfish person, she realized with another whine. She had done everything wrong she possibly could have. It hadn't even occurred to her to think about how Trip must feel. Being left in the dark for all this time was simply wrong. No matter how shocked he would be when she told him the truth, it was still better than telling him nothing.

There was no alternative. She would have to apologize. She would end her illogical deception tonight. She had no idea how he would react. And the thought terrified her! But there was no other way. He deserved to know that she desired him. Once he knew, it would be out of her hands.

--------

»I hope your observations have been successful, Commander?«

»You could say that.«

»That is good to hear. I have made some progress as well. And I was wondering … since we appear to have so much time at our disposal … that maybe … I may have overestimated the importance of the mission. I don't think we need to observe them all the time.«

»Is that so?«

»I was wondering … whether maybe it would be best if we tried to avoid disturbing their culture and move to a more secluded place away from the settlement. So that everybody is … undisturbed.«

Trip laughed out loud in a bitter tone.

»Why did I know you would say that.«

»Excuse me?«

»The moment I saw how these people live, I knew that you would not allow for us to stay here.«

»I beg your pardon?«

»Come on, Subcommander. I know you'll make sure we won't have any fun down here, god forbit.«

»Is that how you perceive me?«

»What is that supposed to mean?«

»You do not find my company enjoyable?«

»Oh, I do very much, T'Pol. Unless, when you are uptight. Which is pretty much all the time as of late.«

»Uptight? You call me uptight? This really only shows how little you know me, Commander Tucker.«

»Is that so?«

»You believe just because I don't climb up any tree I see, I am incapable of spontaneity? Or _fun_, as you put it?«

»He, he. You are right. Hearing you speak about _spontaneity_ is pretty funny indeed.«

»Then you will enjoy this. Just watch me.«

She turned around and stormed away in the direction of the settlement.

--------

»Shit, T'Pol! What are you doing?«

»I am making first contact.«

»Listen, could you stop running for just a moment?«

»No, Commander. I am eager to explore new life.«

»What is the matter, T'Pol? You don't have to prove anything, especially not by doing something foolish.«

»I am merely following the Captain's orders, Commander. If you think the risk is too great, why don't you remain by the shuttle-pod and stop delaying me?«

»You are being irrational, T'Po—«

»Hey! HELLO! You there!«

»T'Pol! Would you ple—«

»HUHU! WE HAVE COME FROM SPACE TO MEET YOU.«

»Oh my god!«

--------

Clearly the primitive humanoids were too shocked to react when T'Pol approached their settlement. They simply lay in the sand, sat around, and watched her come closer impassionately. T'Pol chose a place where most of them would be able to see her and walked up to it, oblivious to whether Trip followed her or not. Then she turned with her back to the ocean to face most of them, raised her right hand in the traditional Vulcan greeting, and spoke.

»I am T'Pol of Vulcan. Live long and prosper.«

--------

Several of the inhabitants clapped their hands together slowly in a lazy applause.

»Sister, this is one strong appearance. You just gotta love that _prosper_ thing.«

»Man, the hand greeting is awesome. Hey Phil, could you even do that?«

»I am trying, man, I am trying. But I need both hands to do it.«

»I hope I —« She looked around to find the Commander standing next to her. »— I hope we are not disturbing you?«

»What do you think, Phil? Are they disturbing us?«

»That depends. I mean, T'Pol of Vulcan rocks. But her friend hasn't said who he is yet.«

»I am, uh, Trip. My name is Trip.«

»_Trip?_«

He just nodded. He had no idea what had happened, and he was too worried to be polite now.

»That is one frickin' awesome name! What do you say, Phil?«

»Just gotta love the guy!«

»So you see, you're not disturbing, T'Pol and Trip. I am Max, this is Phil, and the guy lying flat on the back is Bomb.«

»Bomb?«

»Pretty cool name, too, eh?«

--------

Trip hated it to be here. He hated it, hated it, HATED it!

»Max, I must say, this is a great party you're throwing for us.«

»Trip, man, this is nothing special. It always gets a bit more lively when the sun sets. Most people sleep pretty long, you know.«

»I see.«

Trip HATED it. What the hell was T'Pol thinking? These idiots could barely speak a complete sentence, and for HOURS she had talked to this Phil guy and made it appear as if he had anything of interest to say.

»Lobster, T'Pol. I tell you. Have you ever eaten Lobster?«

»No! I have never had the chance.«

Yeah, of course not. Because you are a vegetarian, T'Pol. Trip knew exactly what she was doing, and it drove him mad that it worked so well. He swore to god, if _Phil_ touched T'Pol one more time, he would get his phaser and put that zombie out of its misery.

»Trip, honey, why are you so tense? Come on, lie down. I'll give you a massage, it hurts to see you sit like that.«

He turned his head in surprise to find a young women kneeling next to him on the beach. He had talked to her earlier … What was her name?

»Uh, I'd love to … Marjory?«

»Wow, I must have made an impression, Trip.«

»Don't be modest, Marjory. You are difficult to forget.«

--------

T'Pol barely managed to suppress a laugh. Oh how she smiled, the cute little girl. T'Pol was certain she would make a wonderful bride for someone. In ten to fifteen years, maybe.

And the massage she gave him! It was ridiculous how Trip pretended to enjoy it, she could clearly see the female had no idea how to touch him. There! Way to go, little girl. Of course you don't apply pressure to the right side of his third vertebra. And why? Because you have no idea how he reacts when you massage that spot, _Marjory_.

But she knew how he reacted. How he tried to suppress the reaction, how his back muscles tensed before he just gave in and groaned, and then relaxed and became more alert at the same time. She knew how he smelled in that moment. And she shivered when she thought of her reaction to his smell.

»T'Pol, dear, you have to relax. Seriously, you're wound-up tight. This cannot be good.«

»Don't worry, Phil, I—«

»She is probably just tired because of the conversation, Phil. You see, normally she doesn't talk to anyone about anything.«

»Indeed, Phil, it is hard to find someone who actually _listens_ when I talk to him.«

»Ah … this is wonderful, Marjory. I almost forgot how it feels like to be massaged by someone who knows how to touch a man.«

»What reminds you of skillful massages right now?«

»T'Pol, I am really getting some nasty vibrations here—«

»Don't concern yourself, Phil. Everything is perfectly alright. You were telling me about lobster?«

--------

Trip was sick of it. What the hell were they doing? They were in paradise! And how did they use the little time they had here? He was confused, tired, hurt, jealous, and angry. So he excused himself and just left. He sat down a good bit away on the beach and looked into the ocean. What was going wrong?

And who the hell was that lying in the sand over there?

--------

T'Pol couldn't bear it any longer. She excused herself and ran away into the opposite direction of where Trip had gone. She sat down on the beach and looked into the ocean. She did not like water. So it was only fitting to be here right now. Everything had gone wrong. And she wanted to combust with disappointment and anger at herself.

--------

»Bomb? Is that you?«

Trip shook the man who was lying flat on his back. Apparently he was in a coma, but how had he even made it here? An hour ago he lay somewhere else.

»Bomb? Is everything alright?«

He patted his cheek slightly forcefully to wake him up.

»Trip, man, what are you doing? Relax! You disturbed my mediation.«

Great.

--------

»T'Pol, sister, I cannot see you like this. What is wrong?«

She looked to her right side in surprise and saw that Max had followed her.

»Nothing is wro—«

»I am relaxed, T'Pol, not dumb. What the hell are you doing? You and your friend are seriously fucked up, you know that?«

»You have no idea.«

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»Listen, Bomb, I simply do not understand it! Doesn't she realize that her silence is killing me? Whatever it is that she is keeping from me, it could not possibly be worse than this stupid charade she has been playing for months now! And I am sick of, SICK and TIRED of it, Bomb. I mean, I really love her. For the longest time I wasn't sure whether I do … but then I met our son from the future, and there stood the evidence! It is possible. It simply _has_ to be possible. But it won't work when she goes on keeping everything to herself. How can there be any life together, when she doesn't share anything? Don't you think that's right?«

»Trip, brother, I think you fucked it up bad.«

»I did?«

»This is totally all your fault, man.«

»What?«

»Have you ever listened to yourself, brother? You need to be way more sensitive if you want to land a chick like that.«

»I do?«

»Man, what backwater planet do you come from? You can't go demanding stuff from her, brother. When she tells you, she does. And if she doesn't tell you, then she'll have her reasons.«

»But—«

»Seriously, brother, you are totally selfish. Have you told her you'll listen when she is ready to talk?«

»Of course I have.«

»Then why do you go on insisting she does it right now? Man, you are totally pressuring her.«

»You think?«

»Your approach is wrong on so many levels, Trip. You put her into a situation where you implicitly threaten that you won't wait forever. Don't you think she perceives that as being pressured?«

»Possibly.«

»Trip, you really have to make yourself emotionally available for her. She has to feel safe when she is with you, not pressured. You need to show her how much you care for her, and when you have, she'll respond.«

»I have made myself emotionally available for the last nine months or so, Bomb.«

»Is that right?«

»Definitely.«

»Then screw her. If you think she's not worth the wait, don't wait.«

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»… and I simply have to tell him, Max. But every time I try, everything comes out wrong, and then we end up arguing and fighting over nothing. Just a few hours ago I tried to tell him, but he wouldn't even listen!«

»Sister, I think you fucked up big time.«

»I did?«

»You are an articulate girl. If you had really told him, he would have listened.«

»That is easy for you to say. If I get it wrong, he won't understand. And then he would push me away. And I have no idea how to deal with that, Max. This is all so horribly difficult!«

»Sister, this approach is wrong on so many levels. You really need to trust him some time, he won't wait forever.«

»Trust him?«

»Just listen to yourself, sister. You think, you have to get it particularly right so that he _might_ understand. That's a totally negative assumption, man. With that kind of aura, you will never get it right. You have to assume the opposite.«

»What is that?«

»No matter how you say it, T'Pol, he will understand it. The only case in which he cannot understand, is when you don't tell him anything.«

»That sounds to good to be true.«

»If you think he can't understand you, T'Pol, then you should forget him and find somebody else.«

--------

»Dudes, I really need something to drink.«

»What's the matter with T'Pol and Trip, Max? They spread some seriously negative vibes around them, man.«

»Ah, the usual.« He took a good sip out of the bottle with the brown liquid before going on. »She has been doing some heavy stuff, got addicted, now she's clean, her boyfriend has no idea …«

Several people completed his sentence at once.

»… and now she feels she must tell him but doesn't know how.«

»Man, that stinks.«

»Yeah, I hate it when this happens. The poor girl.«

»Remember when Marjory had that problem? What was the guy's name?«

»Man, that was so sad! Took her weeks to work up the courage and then he OD'ed a day before she wanted to tell him.«

»What was his name?«

»Hey Phil, do you know where Bomb is?«

»Does anyone remember his name or not?«

»I don't know where Bomb is. The last time I saw him, he was trying to levitate again.«

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T'Pol's breath stood still when she saw him coming to her. She turned her head back to the ocean in panic. She closed her eyes, this was her last chance, she had to tell him, she had to tell him _everything_.

She still hadn't breathed when he suddenly stood next to where she sat in the sand. She swallowed, then finally inhaled deeply. She forced her head to turn and looked at him.

--------

Oh my god! When she finally looked at him it almost broke his heart. He couldn't say anything, he simply put his hand on her shoulder and squeezed it gently, then sat down behind her, wrapped his arms around her, and pulled her towards him carefully.

--------

Warmth! Oh, she needed warmth. She used her legs for leverage to push herself into him, her body pressed against his and begged him to hold her tighter. And when he did, she literally collapsed in his arms and closed her eyes.

»I need to tell you something, Trip. I really have to, but I just don't know how …«

»Then tell me when you know how to T'Pol. It can wait.«

And that was the last straw. T'Pol just gave in to her exhaustion. She yelled at the ocean in frustration, and then she began to shake in his embrace with guilt, sorrow, and desperation. She could not suppress it any longer, she released it through her tears into the sand of the beach.

For minutes she shook in his arms, and when she was completely spent, she collapsed into him once more. She lost herself in his embrace, she hid her bare soul from the hostile world in his arms and bathed in the soothing intimacy of his warmth. If it had been possible, she would have crawled into him in this moment, she had been cold for an eternity!

--------

For hours had they sat on the beach. Slowly the sun was beginning to rise, and T'Pol looked at the sight. Her back ached slightly, but she didn't dare to move, because Trip had fallen asleep and had slumped forward against her. She could feel his breath on her cheek. She held his arms in place with her own, and looked at the rising sun.

When she felt him stir against her back, she shifted slightly and turned her head, so that she could look at him.

»Do you know that I can see happiness?«

»You can do what?«

»I can see the emotion. There are moments when I see it right before me. But when I reach for it, all I touch is pain. It wasn't always like that.«

»What has changed?«

»When I was exposed to Trellium-D, it had an unforeseen effect on me. For a brief time afterwards, I was able to touch happiness.«

»I'm not sure I understand what you mean …«

»I analyze my emotions, Trip. I do it consciously, so I can, in a way, see them. I realize when I experience happiness, but I don't allow myself to feel it.«

»Then you can consciously choose to feel it, T'Pol. Where is the problem?«

»Under the effect of Trellium-D, there was no problem. I could see an emotion, Trip. I could really see it! And then I reached for it in my mind and there it was.«

»I really don't understand, T'Pol, I am sorry, but—«

»I could feel any emotion I wanted, Trip. Anything I experienced, I could just _feel_ it, but I could still control everything else.«

»This is what has changed?«

»Yes. I can no longer use Trellium-D. It is harmful.«

»What do you mean by _no longer_, T'Pol?«

»I have injected small doses into my bloodstream for several months, Trip. At first, it didn't seem to be dangerous. On the contrary, it was … I made a terrible mistake, Trip. I have used it to …«

»To access certain emotions?«

»Yes.«

»That is insane, T'Pol! What the hell were—«

»I am sorry!«

She closed her eyes in shock when she felt his grip around her weaken, then she pushed herself against him like she had before, but for _ages_ he didn't react. When he finally embraced her again, she murmured one more »I am sorry« into his arms, and then they were silent for a long time.

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»… and what does this defect mean for your life?«

»I don't know. All I know is that I can no longer suppress my emotions entirely. No discipline will help. I have found out so much.«

»You will have to learn to express them, T'Pol.«

»I know.«

»That is difficult for you.«

»The emotions I cannot suppress are somewhat intimate. I … I simply don't know it either, Trip. I _try_ to release them, I _try_ to express what I feel—«

»Shhhh. T'Pol, come here.«

--------

He simply held her in his arms for another long time. She had told him much more than he was able to digest in one sitting. He was oddly out of sync with the rest of the world, as if he looked at it through a fog. He clung to T'Pol as much as she clung to him right now, but he knew they could not sit here forever. They would have to stand up and face each other sooner or later. But something was still left unsaid. He knew there was more. But he wasn't certain whether he even wanted her to tell him.

»Listen, T'Pol. We are light-years away from any known place, we'll never come here again, we can do whatever we want to, right?«

»I suppose.«

»Then let us spend the next six days here together and be happy, T'Pol. And we'll think about whatever comes next when we are back home.«

»What good should that do?«

»If there ever was a chance for you to let go of your control, T'Pol, to learn to express what you feel, then this is it. Nothing can happen here, just let go. We will do it together.«

--------

T'Pol thought about what Trip had said while they slowly returned to the settlement. She squeezed his hand to confirm that it was still there. As simple as the gesture was, when he had taken her hand while they walked, something had changed. He had reached out for her, despite everything she had done. She had dreaded this moment for _so long_, she had been afraid of this discussion for MONTHS, she had barely slept, eaten, she had been insane with apprehension. But now she had done it.

And he had reached out for her.

Just walking along the beach with him felt wonderful. For the first time she looked at the ocean, listened to the sound of the waves. She listened to the birds, to the sound their feet made while sinking into the white sand of the beach. Something had changed.

What was wrong? She was exhausted beyond imagination, her life was a mess, _she_ was a mess — yet still she wandered over the beach with him and thought how pleasant it was to be here.

She had not told him everything. She had hinted at what she felt, and she thought he had understood her. But he had not asked her. He had left her time. Time to find a way to express what she felt for him. Six more days to reveal her desire. Just thinking about it made her chest tickle again, and it felt wonderful! She _knew_ she would tell him.

Something had changed.

--------

»Man, you look wild, Trip and T'Pol. What have you been up to the whole night? Sit down, dudes, you really need to chill. Try this.«

--------

Trip slumped into a comfortable canvas chair that faced the ocean, sighed, and then took an good swallow out of the bottle Max had given him. The brown beverage had a subtle but full taste. Very relaxing. Exactly what he needed right now.

He sat a bit away from the others; he needed to be alone for a moment. With tired eyes he looked around on the beach, but he found nothing that could distract him from the questions that zipped in his mind.

He was shocked, but he was also relieved. He was hurt, but he was also happy she had told him. He had no idea what to feel.

He could not believe what she had revealed. He knew T'Pol for more than three years now, he had been attracted to her equally long, he had longed for her and dreamed about her and …

He took another gulp of the brown beverage.

And now it turned out it she was a completely different person. He had expected a _lot_. For the longest time he had thought she would tell him she was _pregnant_, for crying out loud! But now he had learned that she had damaged her brain irreparably because she had been a _drug addict_ for MONTHS.

Did he even know that woman? Had he any idea who she really was?

Anger rose in him: She had lectured him day in and out about discipline! _She_ had lectured _him_ about …

He shook his head, gulped down more of the brown beverage, and sunk back in his canvas chair. He shifted slightly, so that he could watch her sit with Max and the others for a while. He watched her talk to them. How tired she looked.

»Trip, honey, has she told you?«

His mind was foggy from the drink, he was startled to find Marjory standing next to his chair. He looked at her with a perplexed expression.

»How do you know abou—«

»Oh please, it was perfectly obvious!«

»It was?«

She crouched down next to him, grabbed his right hand with both of hers, and looked at him with intensity.

»Has she told you?«

»Yeah … she did.«

The intensity in her gaze increased even further.

»How did you react?«

»I think, I took it pretty well.«

»Do you still love her?«

»Why are you so curious about this?-«

»Please, Trip, just tell me. Do you still love her?«

»I don't know what I feel … well … yes, I still do.«

»Do you still respect her?«

»Of course.«

»You do?«

»Of course.«

»Oh, Trip, this is _so_ wonderful! Thank you, thank you.«

She kissed him on the cheek, then again on the other side.

»I am confuse—«

»Trip, honey, you really have to be there for her now!«

»Uh …«

»Do you know what she has gone through? Have you ever been addicted?«

»No, I—«

»Then you have _no idea_! She has totally revealed herself to you, man, that was the bravest thing she has ever done! You should be so proud of her …«

»Yeah, I guess you are right.«

»Man, just look at her. She is a reborn woman this morning. This is so beautiful! Fuck, I am getting real emotional.«

»You'd like some of this?«

»Yeah, good idea.«

She emptied almost half of the bottle.

»Man, Trip, I am so proud of you. This means so much to me.«

»I can see.«

»So listen, honey. She needs you. Do you understand? You gotta stand by her side now, Trip. If you start doing drugs yourself, my friend, then you'll be in deep shit—«

»No need to worry, Marjory, I promise.«

»Good.«

--------

Phil looked at her with open amazement.

»Man, T'Pol, what backwater planet do you come from? Emotion control is the stone age, sister. I haven't heard of anyone still doing that in decades.«

»What kind of techniques do you use?«

»We do the integrated approach.«

»I have never heard of it. How does it work?«

»Sister, I can't just explain our way of life to some primitive alien in a couple of minutes. You probably lack the discipline for even the most basic exercises.«

»I am very disciplined.«

»He, he, if you have trouble with _emotion control_, sister, then you are way not ready for more sophisticated stuff.«

»I could learn it.«

»I dunno, you could talk to Bomb. He is our guru. Maybe he will teach you.«

»Very well. I'll—«

»Wait — not so fast. You gotta do some tests before I let you disturb Bomb, man, I have to figure out what you're capable of.«

»I am ready.«

»Okay. Can you down this glass of B'Khardi? … I see you can. Now stand on one leg for sixty seconds …«

--------

»Master Bomb? … I don't intend to disturb you, but … uh, Master Bomb? Ah, good morning, Sir. Phil has sent me over—«

»Man, forget it, T'Pol. I don't take students any more. They never listen, I better spend my time working on my own technique.«

»But Master B—«

»Can you down a glass of B'Khardi?«

»I just performed the ritual, Master Bomb.«

»Here is another one. Can you down… I see. Yeah, well, whatever. You need advice? Oh, and please call me Bomb.«

--------

Trip watched the natives with an odd sense of calm. For most of the day he had just dozed in his canvas chair — thanks to the drink. It was difficult to be angry, or even worried in this place. He wondered where T'Pol was.

He looked over to the settlement and couldn't help but grin wide when he saw her sitting cross-legged in the sand with Bomb, apparently teaching him to meditate for _real_. He would love to hear this conversation.

--------

»Fuck, T'Pol. This is getting real disappointing. Man, you need to _listen_. I'll explain it one last time. Everything in life is composed of two elemental energies …«

»Yin and yang.«

»Right. They oppose each other, man. Your emotions are yin, and your logic is yang.«

»I understand.«

»And now you put them together and you get what?«

»A whole?«

»Sister, you'll get yourself. Yin and yang are everywhere. You look at this drawing in the sand, but still you can see yourself in it. Do you understand?«

»I think I do.«

--------

He watched the late afternoon's sun stand over the ocean, and the beautiful image gave him peace. From everywhere the natives appeared, sat down on the beach with their drums, and began to play simple, primal rhythms. A strange smell lay in the air. The place was suddenly filled with a sublime, peaceful energy. A group of young women walked along the beach, they wore almost no clothing, and their naked skin was covered in simple paintings, like stars and flowers.

He sat back in his chair and sipped the last bit of the brown drink that had brought him through the day so peacefully. He enjoyed the gentle _thump_ he felt in his bones every time one of the larger drums sounded near to him.

He wondered about T'Pol. About their relationship to each other. Something had changed, her revelation had set things in motion. She had made a huge step towards him, she had won a month-long inner struggle and had trusted him. And Marjory was right: He was proud. She had trusted him. She had let him into her world.

It was just that her world looked very different than what he had thought.

But wasn't that the point? Wasn't that what made the difference between some mild sympathy and love? That you _knew_ the dark sides of the other and loved her nonetheless? Loved the other the way she was?

Did he still love her?

Could she love him?

Absently-minded he registered that Max was headed towards him with another bottle.

--------

»So by treating your emotions and your logic as opposing forces you create artificial conflict.«

»But the conflict is inherently there, Bomb. I don't create it?«

»That's exactly your problem, T'Pol. Man, you have to let go of your preconceptions. Who says there is any conflict?«

»There isn't?«

»Look in the sand, sister. They are one. They are facets of the unique entity called _T'Pol_. They are …«

»Yin and yang. I understand.«

--------

»What's on your soul, brother? I guess it's difficult to deal with the revelation?«

»Max, you _also_ know about that?«

»Man, it was totally obvious. Just look at how thin she is. Seriously, you need to take much better care of your woman.«

»I have realized that today.«

»Yeah, man, better late than never.«

»I am really confused about all this, Max.«

»Where is the problem? She is clean, she has said she's sorry — man, you should be proud of her.«

»I am … but you know what I am asking myself? Were her emotions for real — or was it just the drug?«

»And that's a totally stupid question, brother. If what she felt had been the drug, why would she demean herself now that she is clean? Why would she tell you everything?«

»Good point …«

»Man, she told you because she loves you. This is so beautiful! Fuck, I'm getting real emotional here. Hand me the B'Khardi for a moment, will you?«

--------

»I understand it! I understand it!«

»Man, T'Pol, I was about to give up.«

»I feel emotions. It is a fact.«

»That's right, sister. You are one hell of an emotional woman, and you should be proud of it.«

»So by fighting against my emotions, I fight against myself. My yin opposes my yang.«

»Nothing but stupid disharmony, sister.«

»It is a fight I cannot win.«

»So you need to do what?«

»I'll unite my logic and my emotions into a higher entity, where they fit and complete each other.«

»So that there is no more opposition and no more disharmony.«

»And that entity is T'Pol. I must become me.«

»That's right.«

»May I have one more B'Khardi?«

»You are right on the path to enlightenment, sister, keep practicing.«

--------

It made perfect sense! There only was a problem because she created it. All she had to do was to stop denying the facts. Her foolishness had damaged her control. So she felt emotions she could not control. And it was permanent. She would have to deal with it. She had to embrace the emotions she experienced, she had to _feel_ them. Simply because there was no other way, that was who she was now.

Trip had also been right. She needed to let go. She had avoided the reality far too long, she desired him! She needed to allow her desire. She had to feel what he made her feel. It was that simple.

She looked over to him. He had a strange expression on his face, and she knew he was asking himself many questions right now. She could see it in his face.

She downed another glass of B'Khardi.

Not long ago, she had been certain he desired her, too. Now nothing was certain anymore.

She filled another glass with the brown liquid, then rose to her feet and left Bomb lying flat on his back in the sand. She walked carefully. She realized, she was slightly uncertain on her feet. But in an oddly pleasurable way. She was lightheaded. She felt like giggling!

--------

Trip watched her come over and he couldn't help but smile. She was definitely unsteady on her feet. She walked with great attention, careful not to spill any of the drink she was carrying. About 10 meters away from him, she stopped and gulped down at least half of the glass at once before she went on and came to stand before him.

»Have you shown Bomb how to meditate, T'Pol?«

»On the contrary. He is a wise master! He has taught me to how become a higher entity.«

Trip laughed out loud while T'Pol balanced before him.

»That sounds awesome, _sister_.«

»It has been a revelation, _honey_.«

»I'd like to meet this higher entity you have become, T'Pol.«

»She'll be here shortly.«

--------

T'Pol was incredibly relaxed. Everything had become so obvious! She was yin. And Trip was her yang. So there was no opposition.

Carefully she put the glass down in the sand, and then began to crawl into the canvas chair with Trip. She pushed, and moved, and struggled until she had found a way to sit on his lap comfortably. Her face was only inches away from his now. She looked at him lazily, and then she moved closer, closed her eyes, and kissed him gently on the lips. Then she retreated to look at him again. She saw no resistance in his eyes, she saw no rejection in his face, so she closed her eyes again and moved in.

This time their lips met half way, and their mouths opened and welcomed each other. Their tongues caressed each other in cautious movements. They explored each other's willingness for intimacy in their kisses. Every soft touch of their tongues was a careful step towards another.

Once more she felt this wonderful warmth. She didn't bother to suppress the sigh before her head sunk down on his right shoulder, so that her face snuggled against his neck. She inhaled his scent deeply, and then she gave in to the exhaustion and sunk entirely into his arms. She wrapped her left arm around his neck and clung to him with force. Once more she shifted, turned, and struggled until her upper body was pressed firmly against his in her hold. Only when his arms embraced her and held her in place did she relax. She kissed his neck tenderly one last time and then she closed her eyes and fell asleep.

--------

Trip held her sleeping form in his arms and fought with tears. How vulnerable she was! How tender she was! He looked at her tired face and studied the lines that had appeared in it. She had changed. Marjory had been right. She was someone else now. The T'Pol he knew had never done that. And that only made him realize how vulnerable she really was.

He had misjudged her so completely. He had been _angry_ at her! How wrong was that? How could he have missed that she was so weak? How thin she was. How lifeless her eyes had become.

He swallowed hard and shook his head to clear his thoughts.

It was all pointless. It was the past. The T'Pol he knew _now_ had sought for his affection, had admitted to her weakness, had trusted him. No matter how mad the circumstances were, it was a new beginning. She lay right here in his arms and slept with confidence that he would protect her. This time they could make it right.

And slowly his doubts vanished and were replaced by relief. He relaxed in the canvas chair and smiled. He would forget the past. They had started over, and this time he would take better care of her. This time, they would make it right.

--------

She woke up in the middle of the night. The natives were performing strange rituals on the beach, she could hear them from where she lay. She lay in his arms.

She lay in his arms!

T'Pol could not remember anything that had ever felt like this. Never before had she felt so _safe_ when she had woken up. And she relished the feeling, she had needed this so much!

She marveled at how completely she had misjudged the situation. She could have lain in his arms _long ago_, hadn't she been so illogical. But no matter how foolish she had been, it was the past now. She had been unable to let go of the past, because she had seen no future to turn to. And she realized it had almost destroyed her. But now that she had woken up in this overwhelming safety, now was she finally able to do it. She let go of the past and began to live again.

--------

Trip woke up in the middle of the night, when the natives began to play their drums in earnest. He kept his eyes shut for a moment and focused on the sensation of the drum beats resonating in his bones. It felt wonderful! Their rhythms were simple yet intricate. It was invigorating.

But there was something else. A distinct warmth flooded to him. He felt warm! And he realized it was because of T'Pol's upper body lying flat on his. He had known her body temperature was higher than his, but right now the difference seemed to be significant. Warmth radiated from her body through his, essential feminine warmth. It was overwhelmingly intimate — he just _began_ to realize how she sat on his lap, face to him, with her legs folded at either side, how her lower body pushed against his, how her spine was bent slightly above the hips to give her more leverage to apply force. Her stomach touched his, then retreated when she breathed in, but her breasts pressed against chest instead then. Her face was only inches away from his, he could feel her nose and lips on his neck. Her breath hit his skin with heat!

He blinked in shock, and immediately after the shock came the yearning in his groin. The warmth she gave him was moist, musky, and mind-blowingly feminine; her smell was all around him, it embraced him with promise of life and pleasure. He was mesmerized. He inhaled her aroma deeply, and when T'Pol shifted on his body because of the movement, sparks rained down on his spine.

He realized that his arms were wrapped around her tightly; he realized that _he_ held her with force. And she was _hot_ in his arms.

He hadn't exhaled for an eternity, and when he did, his breath was raspy. He groaned as the yearning in his groin turned into outright desire. Now the sound of the drums hitting him in complex rhythms was no longer wonderful, it was TORTURE, because it reminded him of his body, it reminded him of the powerful lust for the woman in his arms. _BOOM_, it raced through him — and T'Pol burned his chest with desire.

He felt his cock grow between their lower bodies, it increased the bombardment of sensations from her even more. He simply couldn't bear it anymore! He shifted tensely under her, then let his head fall back into the canvas chair and groaned once more.

When he opened his eyes again, her face was right in front of his, millimeters away, and she was wide awake. He had gotten used to her controlled expressions so much, that right now she seemed to _yell_ at him. Her eyes were defenselessly open, he could look right into her soul. The moment was _intense_.

_BOOM_, the drum sounded when she shifted on his body, she bent her spine to increase the angle, and then she pressed her sex against his, drew her pelvis over him, stroked over his erect penis with her labia through the material of both of their uniforms. Not for an instant had she averted her eyes.

--------

_I have told him everything!_

--------

»Man, it's great to see T'Pol and Trip are finally relaxing a little.«

»Looks like they are pretty relaxed from where I am standing, Max.«

»What do you say, Marjory?«

»Honey, you _have_ to try that ear thing on me later, she went berserk when he did that.«

»Yeah, she hadn't seen that com— HOLY SHIT!«

»He is never gonna get out of that.«

»Man, T'Pol of Vulcan is awesome! That girl can do stuff with her legs, wow.«

»We definitely have to invite them over later, Max.«

»Don't count on it, brother. They are way too obsessed to share right now. Love is totally selfish, man.«

»He, he, Bomb could have said that.«

THE END


End file.
